A disabled man who is in a wheelchair and his able-bodied fiancée have opened up about their sex life to combat the misconception that dis...
A disabled man who is in a wheelchair and his able-bodied fiancée have opened up about their sex life to combat the misconception that disabled people can't be physically intimate with their partners.
Shane Burcaw, 27, and Hannah Aylward, 24, answered fans' questions about how they manage intimacy in their interabled relationship in their latest video shared on their popular 'Squirmy and Grubs' YouTube channel.
'A lot of people assume it doesn't exist,' Hannah said of the physical side of their relationship. 'That's a really damaging stereotype for all disabled people when you assume that disabled people aren't sexually active.'
Candid clip: Shane Burcaw, 27, and Hannah Aylward, 24, revealed how they manage intimacy in their latest video shared on their Squirmy and Grubs' YouTube channel
Secret: The couple said they rely on constant communication to make sure they're satisfying each other's physical needs, and they believe able-bodied couples should do the same
Shane was born with Spinal Muscular Atrophy (SMA), a neuromuscular disease that causes muscles to deteriorate over time. He has been in an electric wheelchair since he was two years old and can barely move his legs, arms, and hands.
Their relationship started when Hannah reached out to the writer and public speaker after watching a documentary that 'The Office' actor Rainn Wilson produced about his life.
In the email, she complimented Shane on his sense of humor and his writing before admitting that she thought he was very cute. They got to know each other through FaceTime calls and text messages and eventually fell in love.
Shane and Hannah launched their YouTube channel to better educate people about interabled relationships. They filmed their latest video specifically to address the many questions they get about the sexual aspects of their relationship.
Story: Shane was born with Spinal Muscular Atrophy (SMA), a neuromuscular disease that causes muscles to deteriorate over time. He's in a wheelchair since he was two years old
Nerves: Hannah admitted that she was somewhat afraid of hurting Shane when they first started dating, saying she would ask to move any part of him before doing so
He explained that while they have made it a point to keep their private life private, there is a lot of misinformation and stigma surrounding disability and intimacy that they wanted to dispel.
In the clip, they used the word 'intimacy' as an umbrella term to 'refer to any number of sexual acts' to keep from divulging too much.
'When we say intimacy, we mean sex. We mean other sexual acts,' Shane noted.
The couple has previously spoken about their desire to have children together, with Shane explaining in an old post on his blog that he is 'perfectly capable of having sex.'
Future plans: Shane explained in an old blog post that he is 'perfectly capable of having sex,' and he and Hannah have spoken about their desire to have children together
Common misconception: Hannah said many people incorrectly assume that 'disabled people aren't sexually active'
'I get boners and my boners shoot sperm, so having kids is a real option,' he wrote at the time.
The first question that they read came from a disabled woman in an interabled relationship. She became disabled when she was married, and she wanted to know how Hannah prevents injury to Shane.
Hannah admitted that she was somewhat afraid of hurting Shane when they first started dating, saying she would ask to move any part of him before doing so.
'I remember you being like, "I don't want to break you,"' Shane recalled, joking that he would tell her: 'Just break me, go ahead.'
Two become one: Hannah said she knows Shane's body as well as she knows her own
Affectionate: While Shane can't get up to give Hannah a hug, he will call her over and ask her to lean in so he can kiss her or hold her hand
Hannah noted that he is 'a lot less fragile' than he looks, while he added that he is also very mindful' of his own safety. Even after years together, he still reminds Hannah to be careful when she is putting his socks on for him.
'Shane is very cautious about his body movements — and you verbalize it,' she said. 'I pretty much know how every single part of your body can move and to what extent and to what direction. I know his body as well as I know mine now.'
The couple did, however, admit that years ago Hannah had him screaming in pain 'at the end of intimacy' after she leaned in to give him a kiss and squished his elbow.
Another fan asked if their sex life has benefitted from their need for constant verbal communication, and they both agreed that able-bodied couples should strive to be just as communicative.
Love: 'I am always doing whatever I can to embrace Hannah,' Shane said
Changing minds: The couple explained that they made the video because there is a lot of misinformation and stigma surrounding disability and intimacy that they wanted to dispel
'I think our intimate life does benefit from that and saying what both of us want and figuring out how to get it,' Hanna said. 'Because I think a lot of the time if you're doing cookie-cutter whatever, it might not be completely what both people are dreaming of having.'
Shane added: 'When I'm on the giving end of intimacy, I am very prone to be like, 'Is this good? Is this fine? How's this? Is this alright?" Hannah is often like, "Shut up."'
Someone else asked if Hannah feels like she is the 'dominant' one in the relationship because she has to comfort Shane and initiate intimacy, but she insisted that isn't the case.
She explained that her husband-to-be has a 'very outgoing personality' and is really affectionate. While he can't get up to give her a hug, he will call her over and ask her to lean in so he can kiss her or hold her hand.
'I like to be physically affectionate,' he said. 'I am always doing whatever I can to embrace Hannah.'
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