Marriage counselors have shared the most common mistakes couples make in a popular Reddit thread that couldn't be more useful now that...
Marriage counselors have shared the most common mistakes couples make in a popular Reddit thread that couldn't be more useful now that spouses are stuck at home with each other amid the coronavirus pandemic.
Commenters touched upon everything from the right and wrong way to fight to the importance of sexual intimacy in their thought-provoking posts about how to properly navigate the ups and downs of a longterm relationship.
One Reddit user stressed that people can't expect 'one person to be everything to them,' explaining that 'you need friends, coworkers, a support system, and hobbies' to be truly fulfilled.
Learn from them! Marriage counselors have shared the most common mistakes couples make in a popular Reddit thread (stock image)
It's important: One person said a lot of couple's don't give intimacy in their relationship 'enough attention'
The person also said that 'keeping secrets or lies' and 'failure to communicate effectively' are all big mistakes but noted the latter 'can be taught.'
Many people wrote lists of the grave mistakes they've seen couples make over the course of their counseling careers.
One person reported seeing people naively expecting their 'partners to be able to read their mind and anticipate needs and wants' while struggling with a 'lack of communication.'
The Reddit user said couples should also express gratitude toward each other on a regular basis, explaining that it has 'a really positive effect on psychological well-being as well as relational strength.'
Good point: One Reddit user said people can't expect 'one person to be everything to them'
Truth: Someone else noted that people change over the course of their relationships
Think twice: One man whose wife is a marriage a counselor said you should never use the words 'you' or 'your' in an argument
Happens more than you think? One person advised against treating your pet better than your spouse
Too late: One Reddit user said many couples wait to long before seeking therapy
Someone else touched upon sexual incompatibility, saying people shouldn't treat sex as 'something one does to another as if it was just a utility.'
The thread also inspired people who have gone to couples counseling or have partners who are counselors to weigh in.
'One of the bigger factors in a successful marriage are couples responding to "repair attempts" during arguments/conflict. [Repair] attempts are often little jokes or olive branches to help overcome issues and arguments,' explained one person, whose wife has a degree in marriage and family counseling.
He even provided an example, saying: 'My wife didn’t buy movie tickets in advance for date night this last Sunday and it was sold out. It sucked! She laughed and sheepishly said, "Well, at least we get to spend more time together staring longingly into each other’s eyes!"
Take note: Someone else wisely said couple's shouldn't be 'keeping score'
Sharing the wealth: One man recalled the things he learned in the five counseling sessions he had with his wife during a rough patch in their marriage
Important: Sex should not be treated as 'just a utility,' one person stressed
Making it woman: One man opened up about the importance of 'repair attempts' — and even gave an example of one from his own relationship
Not your roommate: Someone else said it can be 'toxic' when 'couples think of themselves as individuals'
'That was her [repair] attempt,' he noted. 'It works two ways though, I also have to respond positively to it... which I did. We did a lot of staring longingly into each other’s eyes last Sunday.'
Someone else recalled the things he learned in the five counseling sessions he had with his wife during a rough patch in their marriage.
'Best things we learned from that is never lash the other with past misbehaviors when trying to resolve a current issue,' he said.
'We have been married 17 years so there is limitless crap we can pull out of our history together to highlight past wrongs and that just derails what could be a quick resolution.
Keeping it real: A paralegal who has dealt with divorce chimed in to advise people not to marry someone they wouldn't be willing to go into business with
'When one half says, "I am not happy about X," do not respond with, "Ok, but I am unhappy with Y." Fix X. Get settled. Then bring up Y if you still need to.'
A paralegal chimed in to advise never marrying someone you wouldn't go into business with, 'because marriage is a legal business' and 'a legal contract.'
The person stressed: 'If you can't imagine yourselves, I don't know, opening a dry cleaning business together. Or starting the next great start up. Or running a B&B. Or opening a tire shop. Or running a multi million dollar media empire. Whatever it is.
'If you think of that and think things like, "Oh god no, they'd drive me crazy. They'd have wacky ideas. We'd never agree. I'd have to make all the decisions and not tell them."
'Or anything else that indicates fear and loathing of the idea of going into business together then DO NOT, I repeat in bold flashing lights DO NOT MARRY THIS PERSON. Because to marry them is to open a business enterprise with them.'
No comments